Let’s just get this on the table – someone should put a sticker on my forehead labeled, “imposter.” A sticker would be preferable to permanent marker because it would take quite awhile for the marker to wear off, and I am not above only labeling myself for as long as I can take it.
I startled myself recently. I was in the kitchen washing dishes when the thought came to me that I have not been honest with myself. And, I didn’t realize it.
At that moment in the kitchen, I understood that driving my desire to find distractions when it is time for me to sit down and write was because I did not want to deal with the task of meeting my mind. It is much easier to keep busy.
(The phrase “meeting my mind,” one of my favorite phrases, is an idiom from Yongey Mingyur Rinpoche, an international teacher of Buddhist philosophy.)
I’ve found in the past several months when it is time for me to write, I’ll actively look for something else to do. I go in search of a distraction. Then, I become frustrated with myself for not having written that day.
The light bulb should have come on for me many months ago. I meditate regularly. (I believe it is one of the best things we can do for ourselves, our families and our neighbors.) The reason the lightbulb should have come on for me sooner, is that I’ve experienced this feeling before. When I began my meditation practice about eight years ago, it was very difficult for me to sit down to practice. I would argue internally with myself, make excuses, probably complain; but, I knew it is what I had to do. I knew if I wanted to begin purging myself of irrational fears and begin to know myself, as unpleasant as that process could be, I needed to sit for meditation. So, I did. I fought myself and I sat. Fought myself and sat.
As a newbie writer, writing for me entails quite a bit of thinking, editing, revisions and the like. All of which lend themselves to the opposite of being busy. During that time my mind has the opportunity to tell me all of those things I do not want to hear. Or, at least, I don’t want to hear them repeatedly.
So, when you are fortunate enough to notice a subtlety in yourself, slightly different perspective or understanding, however small it may be, rejoice. Rejoice silently. Be grateful. I believe tiny shifts hold big promise.
Nothing new here. But, to my mind, a crisp or a crumble is hard to beat for a late summer dessert. Cooks Illustrated has a good recipe for apple crisp. I’ve tweaked it a bit, adding lots of oats and almonds, less sugar, more fruit, and some spices, to incorporate what I like into a dessert. I’ve tried many other recipes. Time and time again I go back to this method.
Peach Blueberry Crisp
adapted from Cooks Illustrated
8 small peaches, rinsed and cut into bite size pieces, skins on, set aside
1 pint blueberries, rinsed and set aside
zest of 1 lemon (optional)
juice of 1/2 lemon (bottled lemon juice can be substituted)
1 T. fresh ginger, peeled and minced (optional)
1/4 c. (scant) sugar
1 1/4 c. old fashioned oats
1/4 c. sliced or slivered almonds (optional)
1/4 c. sugar
1/4 c. brown sugar
3 T. flour
1/4 t. each cinnamon and nutmeg
5 T. cold butter, diced
1. Preheat oven to 375 degrees. In an 8 x 8 baking dish, combine the filling ingredients. Toss to coat and spread evenly in baking dish.
2. In a medium mixing bowl, combine topping ingredients from oats to pinch of salt. Mix until well incorporated. Cut in the diced, cold butter with pastry cutter or hands. Combine until butter is incorporated throughout the topping mixture. ( I find that my hands to the best job here.)
3. Spread topping evenly over fruit mixture. Place baking dish on a baking sheet to avoid spillage in the oven. Bake for 40 – 50 minutes until topping begins to turn golden brown and fruit juices are bubbling. Check oven after 40 minutes to ensure topping does not brown too much. Serve warm.